Its hard for me to even think straight lately. Nothing in this world seems to make sense to me anymore. I can't begin to tell you how many tears I've shed tonight, just trying to feel better. I know its okay to cry and just let it all out; but to be honest; I don't think it helped completely.
It's currently four in the morning right now; and I do realize I have to go to work in a few hours. It's going to pretty much be the day from hell. That I can tell you already. A fourteen hour day plus a crabby and tired Lauren does not make for a fun day. Anyway, thanks not why I wanted to write this tonight. Shall I get to the real reason?
I'm finally coming to terms with the struggles I'm facing everyday. I think that was the first thing I needed to do. Now comes the hard part. The steps to heal and finally be the normal girl and person I've wanted to be. I tend to make others happy before I make myself happy. I can't do that anymore. I need to make myself happy. Put me before the others. I think with the help of the two people I trust the most in this world; I'll be able to finally do that.
These two people know who they are. They're my best friends. The words thank you aren't enough for them. They sit and listen to me vent and complain and basically everything under the sun and they try to help me as best they can. Its hard for me to trust. Yes; there are a few things I don't talk about still to this day with them. Not because I don't trust them, but because it kills me and tears me up to talk about it.
To me, the second strongest bird is the hawk. I know this is going to sound stupid, and really stupid, but I feel like I'm letting someone, something or even myself down not being that "strong bird" My last name is Hawkins, and that means more than just having my families name. I want it to mean that I am strong. I know right now I'm not. I just need the time to heal my heart, my head and my soul before I feel like I can have my wings to fly. Right now; I'm just the flightless hawk.
No comments:
Post a Comment